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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25264303">Memento</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowboyBeebop/pseuds/CowboyBeebop'>CowboyBeebop</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Velvet (K-pop Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:09:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,549</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25264303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowboyBeebop/pseuds/CowboyBeebop</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Son Seungwan, girl wonder, photographic memory; writes a journal to help her forget things.<br/>Quite ironic, isn't it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>WenRene</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I yearn to stay even in the darkest corners of your mind ~</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I long to live at the core of who you are ~ </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>sgd. Son Seungwan. 7/15/2014</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>
  <strong>WHEREFORE, the petition is DENIED. The Decision and the Omnibus Resolution of the Court of Appeals in CA-GR SP No. XXXX are hereby affirmed. Deleting the grant of limited and temporary custody for lack of legal and factual basis.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The lower courts are ordered to implement the decision at once. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Final and executory.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>SO ORDERED. </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Imagine being able to remember everything vividly, all the colors and hues, the numbers and statistics, the feelings and the memories, the sights and sounds, expertly stored in a huge, spacious, well organized vault. Quite a nice perk for this hard knock life isn’t it?</p><p>Imagine almost breezing the hell out of law school, aceing every recitation, memorizing every article and provision like it’s as simple as ABC. Every examination almost feels like an autobiography, like you’ve known every hypothetical situation in those stupid little blue booklets, as if you’ve lived through it. It’s as if you’re composing a song, the lyric and rhythm flowing out naturally, your voice and its melody instantly meshing, with ease, without breaking a sweat. </p><p>
  <em>Imagine. Imagine. </em>
</p><p>I realised I was never fond of imagining because everything was clear cut for me ever since.</p><p>As if everything is handed to me on a silver platter, and I took it, ate on it and made it gold. I live in the moment. Everything should be treasured because it might be taken away the very next day.</p><p><strong>“Imagine being humble, Wendy.”</strong> I remember Joy snickering at me, scrunching her nose and rolling her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>What? Excuse me while I vent out to you, my dear friend? Where did our friendship go? </em>
</p><p>I remember telling her this exact phrase for my little attempt of a clapback: “please would you let me finish Joy. My journal isn’t here with me, so please be a darling and listen.”</p><p><strong>“Kaaay go on..”</strong> she said coupled with one hell of a sarcastic sigh.</p><p>
  <em>Joy this sneery tall devil. </em>
</p><p>I know I sound so disgustingly arrogant right now. I was trying to soften the blow.</p><p>I remember reminding myself why I stopped being a skeptic of this <em>gift</em> and that there’s always pros and cons..</p><p>
  <em>So, I broke the news to her. There’s no point of beating around the bush.  </em>
</p><p>“I lost the case Joy. My first time in years. We’ve been lawyers for what, 6 years? I think I lost the most important one. I promised <em>her </em>I’d win, especially this one. Now, I kind of regret having to live with this weird brain, it’s not like I’m not used to <em>losing</em>, it’s part of the game. We win some, we lose some.</p><p>
  <em>It’s just that.. I am not ready to go through the process of letting her know, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, to see how devastating it would be, as if I can almost see the life in her eyes leave the moment she remembers, to have my head play it over and over again as I drown in her muffled cries; feeling the pain twice as much. I can almost feel my heart shrink into nothingness. My soul leaving my core.</em>
</p><p>“I just can’t afford to lose any more than I already have Joy.”</p><p>
  <strong>“ Oh Wannie..” </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>There it is. The nickname. Rarely used. Within seconds, her long arms are around me.  Eyes brimming with love and a hefty worry. I remember the last time she called me Wannie. I remember the last time I saw her look at me like that. It was six years ago.  The moment I told her the story. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ I’m sure she’ll understand. You did your best, I know damn well you did. I, for one, know how important this case is to you, but my god, “lack of legal and factual basis? That, folks, is complete and utter bullshit! It’s like saying your entire case was a mere scrap of paper! I wonder how much they paid! I can’t believe it! Can we still file for a MR, Wen?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I already heard a furious Joy, witnessed an agitated Joy, dealt with different spikes of irritated Joy. But not <strong>this</strong> Joy. It’s rather fascinating, to be honest.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joy, aced our remedial law subjects. The words final and executory were the words written below her graduation photo in our yearbook back in college. She, of all people should know that there is no other way but to accept it. I did my best.. like she said. I <strong>really</strong> did my best. </em>
</p><p>“It’s okay Joy, we did our best.” I tell her.</p><p>
  <em>We are going to be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Sorry Wen. I just.. I can’t believe it.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Speechless Joy was a rare sight…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“But on the bright side, look at how many times you used the word ‘imagine.’ Not so perfect now are we wonder girl?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Or was there ever a speechless Joy? There was never a speechless Joy. It’s about time I take note of that. </em>
  <em>She deserved that loud slap that I gave her on the shoulder, revenge never sounded this sweet. All these years! I wonder why I hinder myself from this much fun!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They say losing was never an easy feat, with all the heightened emotions and the recurring thoughts of what if’s in your head. How things would have turned out differently. </em>
  <em>That’s the thing about losing, it breaks you before it makes you, and people like me have it a little bit better and a little bit harsher at the same time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Who said a ‘photographic memory’ is a gift? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I guess with the right people around you, it’s not much but a mere consequence of a spectacle we call life. It does get better and it will get better because every day is a new day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Let me write that down. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>My phone chimed as I walk out of the Firm’s building.</p><p>
  <strong>Glory in Defeat</strong>
</p><p>The words in my current wallpaper screamed at me. </p><p>Then a text message.</p><p>
  <em>A constant reminder that I will never really lose at life because I have someone to call my home. Home in the form of beautiful eyes filled with love and longing. Always longing, always knowing eyes; Quiet and serene. The only constant in my inevitably ever-changing world. One whom I’ll always remember, even on days that I’d rather choose to forget. One whom I’ll always choose even if the universe decides to deprive me of choice. </em>
</p><p>All I do is win. <em>Another reminder.</em></p><p>
  <strong>“ Yeah, All you do is win!” </strong>
</p><p>I guess I said that out loud.</p><p>
  <strong>“Again, yeah! You did say it out loud Wan!” </strong>
</p><p>Seulgi came out of nowhere, almost knocking me off my feet when she engulfed me for a bear hug.</p><p>
  <strong>“ Sorry Wan! I never meant to startle you ~ I just want to shake off the ‘overthinking bug’ that you have there lurking in your brain.. You should’ve seen the way you stared at your wallpaper again.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Genuine question. Do you ever wonder why our closest friends have a knack for </em>
</p><p>
  <em>a. peeking at your phone </em>
</p><p>
  <em>b. snatching your phone away </em>
</p><p>
  <em>and c. all of the above? </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You should stop equating every untoward incident happening in your life as losing. Come along now.’’</strong>
  <em>Answer: Yes, they give it back afterwards. </em>
</p><p>I apologized, giving her a nod and a shy smile. “Today was a lot to take in”, I tell her. <em>It felt like I was brought back to square one and I was lost. Yet again. </em></p><p>Her bear-like smile and crescent eyes made me forget that indeed, it has been a long day.</p><p>
  <strong>“So have you even read my message? What’s our plan for tomorrow?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>God, I’m beyond grateful for Seulgi. She has been there for me ever since. My pillar of strength. My best friend. I couldn’t have pushed through if it wasn’t for her. </em>
</p><p>I showed her my phone and the bright blue check marks.</p><p>
  <em>I read it, I sure did. This is one of the things that I look forward to doing every single day of my life for the past few years. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“How about a fun picnic with my cheeky little kid? It’s the weekend after all! We haven’t done this in so long! Besides, the kid spends an awful lot of time with Joy, I think I deserve some quality time with MY KID AS WELL.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>There are times that I forget how my friends are adults now. This is one of those times. </em>
</p><p>Now that the plan is set. It’s time that I hit it in full swing.</p><p>
  <em>Like I always do.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this listening to Aphrodite by The Ridleys. :) Please listen to it if you can, or while reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>
    <em>For there are memories that shall whisk off into thin air within seconds, so as memories that shall live and breathe the same way that we do; know that ours will be etched in every definition of perpetual, in every construct of time and space, everlasting, never-changing. Will we ever forget? Not once, not ever.</em>
  </p><p>
    <em>sgd. Son Seungwan 7/15</em>
  </p>
<hr/></blockquote><p>Why do people make plans anyway? Time and time again, it has been proven that plans don’t really work out the way we want to? Weirdly enough, it puts you on fight or flight mode; <em>every single time, mind you, </em> which then results to either, you, making the best decision of your life, or the absolute worst that even plan B-Z wouldn’t even save you from the humiliation.</p><p>There’s no in betweens.</p><p>Those who disagree, has clearly, never went out of their comfort zones. I said what I said.</p><p>So, I guess the answer is: people make plans to make them believe that they’re not going in blind, people make plans to be able to jump whilst holding on to that <em>imaginary parachute</em> called plans. It makes one feel safe, secure and protected. Human Nature. Understandable.</p>
<hr/><p>Then, of course, our friendly neighborhood, <em>life, </em>happens. And boy, did it ever did happen to me. Law school. The entirety of it.</p><p>
  <em>How I wish I planned for this. </em>
</p><p>Imagine meeting love personified, at the time where I clearly believed that codals and printouts were the only thing known as life-changing.</p><p>
  <em>You guessed it. I thought wrong. </em>
</p><p>There she was, living and breathing in all her glory, I basked in her existence. Sometimes you just have to thank the heavens for the blessings. Say grace, ask for some more and then say grace, again.  </p><p>Hearing her voice as she answered.. <em>another blessing</em>!</p><p>It’s like the thought process behind it was paint and the whole classroom was the canvass, carefully placed pauses, in verbatim. Articulate. Relentless.</p><p>If I remember it correctly, <em>not that my memory has ever failed me, </em>Aristotle was a guy, wasn’t he? Then who, in the ancient Greek and present world combined, is this woman?</p><p>One time she asked about case assignments. A rare opportunity of seeing her up close.</p><p>
  <em>Everybody say it with me, another blessing!</em>
</p><p>I was stunned, Wendychoppa was grounded! Mayday, mayday! Woman down, I repeat, woman down!</p><p>I am human after all, I do forget things once in a while. Well, seldomly, rarely; but not something <em>innate.</em></p><p>I <em>forgot </em>something. <em>Fuck! </em></p><p>Was it my case digests for the day?</p><p>Nah, I have it all memorized and understood.</p><p>Oh, it’s probably Seulgi! Did I forget to wake her up for class?</p><p>Nah, she’s right beside me, laughing her ass off.</p><p>
  <strong>“Wan! A pretty lady asked you a question! Cat's got your tongue?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Since when did Seulgi learned how to wink? And pointed towards.. girls?</em>
</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Apparently, I forgot how to speak and I was also holding my breath for a little while. So, I forgot to do what was supposed to be an involuntary thing. <em>Who does that?! </em></p><p><strong>“ I..uhm..” </strong>was my clapback. Wendy never loses her grip. Not in front of pretty girls. <strike><em>But she wasn't just pretty, she's breathtaking, absolutely gorgeous! </em></strike>But whatever! take that, Seulgi!</p><p>Of course, she chuckled at my pitiful existence. That chuckle. Julliard approved; calming nature sounds and an orchestra of angels were found in shambles.</p><p>
  <em>Wow, Son Seungwan. Top of the class. Recit Rap God. Speaks in conviction, grit and fervor as if the entire jurisprudence in this world was penned by her; was suddenly unable to form coherent sentences. Wendy who?</em>
</p><p>I was brought back to life when she extended her hand, smiled and said her name.</p><p>
  <strong>“ It’s Bae Joohyun, by the way. I hope to hear more from you, Wendy.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>There I was, thinking I was witnessing the reincarnation of Aristotle. What was I thinking? It’s Aphrodite in disguise! Sorry ma’am, but you’re terrible at it. We all know it’s you in your human form.</em>
</p><p>She said something about asking another blockmate of ours, and that she thought I was Wendy McGreasy for a reason but she was mistaken? Something like that. I never really heard much.</p><p>
  <em>Because in my head, I was already planning our lives together. </em>
</p><p>Through the years I’ve spent with Joohyun, I understood why people make plans, it’s to ensure that you achieve what your heart desires and for you to find your own version of genuine happiness.</p><p>Plans are there to help you get back up when life throws you off course, racing you through speed bumps, and keeps you in detours. Goals, even with all your hope and passion, without plans, they are nothing but a mere dream. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Although, not even a single plan ever prepared me for someone like Bae Joohyun and the life with her that came after. </em>
</p><p>What do you mean, WHAT.</p><p>Of course, I got the girl. I’m Son Seungwan! All I do is win! I never lose.. or maybe I did.. Sometime. Somewhere.</p><p>Life wasn’t meant to be perfect. It was meant to be lived in your own version. Perfect or not.   </p><p>Not because everything was clear as day for me. It goes the same for everyone. Have I ever mentioned how ironic my life is?</p><p>I never experienced the struggle of failing to remember important things, <em>except for that one time. Joohyun was involved, what did you expect? </em>All my life I treasured everything about Joohyun. Locked and stored in a military grade vault in my mind and heart.  Making memories with her was the <em>high </em>of this precious gift that I have and for that, I am grateful, eternally grateful.</p><p>But this brain of mine, coupled with life’s dirty antics made me realise that a photographic memory is a double-edged sword.</p><p>Ted Mosby once said that we’ll be shocked when we discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why when we find someone we want to keep around, we do something about it.</p><p>And so I did. Every single day, I did. It wasn’t just <em>something. </em>I did everything.</p><p>I hate how vividly I can remember every single memory, like it just happened yesterday. I hate remembering when all I want to do is to forget.. even just for a little while.</p><p>.. because she did, slowly and then all at once.</p><p>
  <em>Have I mentioned how ironic my life is? Let me write that down just to be sure.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it took me so long to update, but here it is.</p><p>I really enjoyed listening to Brucia la terra when I was writing, kinda suits this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote><p>
    <em>It’ll be an honor to live the same life, even with the same circumstances, same breakthroughs and downfalls, as long as you’ll remember me as much as I’ll always remember you. As long as you’ll have me, I’ll always have you.</em>
  </p><p>
    <em>sgd. Son Seungwan 8/15</em>
  </p>
<hr/></blockquote><p>I have always been fascinated by how Seulgi dances, precise yet graceful, fluid yet sharp; she has always been the quiet one but when she dances, it’s as if she <em>converses</em> through her movements, commanding the room, luring everyone in then bringing them back to reality in a wonderful loop. </p><p>
  <strong>“I have never felt so enthralled in my life. You know how much I hate redundancy, but Seulgi makes it bearable, enjoyable even. I won’t mind life’s boring moments being on a loop as long as it includes Seulgi.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, everyone meet Joy. Seulgi’s polar opposite but is also her life partner. Her devilishly charming wife. Her words, not mine. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joohyun would kill me. I just need to clear that out. </em>
</p><p>This was an excerpt out of one of Joy’s “inner monologue.” She kinda said it out loud during one of our <em>interventions. </em>Joohyun and I were never a fan of meddling with our friends’ lives, but for the love of god, they needed that <em>intervention. </em></p><p>Both of them would’ve ended up in an endless loop; with Joy guessing how Seulgi felt about her and Seulgi just assuming things because she would never have the energy to go through analyzing things as much as Joy does. Additionally, Seulgi never questioned why and how Joy does things, she’d just resort to just assuming Joy wanted this and that, but never assumed Joy didn’t just want <em>this and that..</em></p><p>Joy wanted Seulgi. </p><p>The one time Joy <em>tried </em>to ask Seulgi out. I remember Seulgi sending a message in our group chat:</p><p>
  <strong>“Sooyoung asked me for a date and I said July 25<sup>th</sup>?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>"She walked out on me? Do we have the same calendar? I think my phone’s messed up or something.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>" I should definitely say sorry right?"</strong>
</p><p>See? </p><p>Anyway, I’m just glad they finally <em>figured things out.</em></p><p>Without a doubt, Yena, my cheeky little niece loves dancing and singing as much as her parents does. So when she asks me. <em>“Aunt Wannie, what does muscle memory mean?”</em> I just knew it had something to do with dancing and singing, and so I answered her:</p><p>
  <em><strong>“Remember your favorite teddy bear, sweetheart? You hug it first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep, right?”</strong> </em>
</p><p>She gives me a beaming smile. <strong>“Oh! I love my teddy bear Aunt Wannie! Mum and Mama also kisses me first thing in the morning and before I go to sleep! So that’s muscle memory? Things you do for the people and things you love? Thank you Aunt Wannie! You’re so cool!”</strong></p><p><em>Technically that is true. It just involves a specific muscle. An incredibly special muscle.</em> </p><p><strong>“Mm-hm, did you hear that from somewhere, sweetheart?”</strong> I cooed at her.</p><p>She tilts her head, <em>cutely, </em>as she rests her chin on her little hands</p><p>
  <strong>“I heard it from Aunt Joohyun when she helped me with my ballet and singing lessons the other day, she said dancing and singing requires putting your heart into it, not just muscle memory.”</strong>
</p><p>I smiled softly, a slight throb on that aforementioned<em> muscle</em> in my chest. I told her that whatever her Aunt Joohyun told her is right..</p><p>
  <strong>“The heart never forgets, sweetheart. So whatever music you dance to, and whichever song you sing to, put your heart into it, so that you won’t forget, and your audience will always remember you.” </strong>
</p><p>She points her cute little finger at her chest, <strong><em>“Of course, Aunt Wannie! My muscle memory won’t fail me!” </em></strong></p><p>Oh, the joys of childhood. </p>
<hr/><p>I wish it’s still as simple as that even when one reaches a certain age, a certain situation. Nothing is really <em>simple </em>these days, or ever. Everything requires work. Not just putting your heart into it, not just muscle memory. It requires work. Tons of it, and a whole lot of luck.</p><p>I remember that one guy who <em>courted</em> Joohyun since college up until that first semester in law school. He was the epitome of ‘men think persistence is a replacement for personality.’ I guess he put in the work and all that, but it just wasn’t <em>working. </em></p><p>
  <em>Oh, I feel so bad for laughing at the pun. Not at the guy, mind you. The pun.</em>
</p><p>Joohyun told me that he was just literally persistent, to the point that she never understood <em>why </em>when she already made it clear the first and the last time. </p><p>So I told her, “<strong>Why don’t you ask him? Talk to him and make it clear?"</strong></p><p>That was the first time that I witnessed the signature eyebrow raise plus the flick of the hair. She inhaled deeply as if she was taming something inside her chest, sighed heavily and looked me in the eye...</p><p>
  <em>This is my soul writing this. No, really. I have no idea how I survived and how I’m still surviving each time she does that.    </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Seungwan. I have discussed this with him, numerous times. I am not a trophy to be won. I hate how people always put me on a pedestal. I am just like everyone else. Nothing special. Besides, I have no time for companionship nor love, I will be the greatest lawyer that this world has ever seen, my sister and I, we will live the life that we have always dreamed of. She’s all I have and there is nothing more important than her.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I am spontaneous but never careless, but in that moment, seeing Joohyun in a whole different light, a Joohyun brimming with passion and determination; there was nothing I wanted more but to be a dangerous mix of both.  </em>
</p><p>The first, certainly not the last time that I <em>disagreed</em> with Joohyun. </p><p><strong>“Let’s rephrase that statement of yours.”</strong> <em>Here I thought the eyebrows cannot go any higher.</em></p><p>
  <strong>“You are not like everyone else, you are not just a girl, you are not just a typical student. That right there, how your eyes sparkle when you talk about your dreams, how that beautiful smile of yours erupts at the mention of your sister. That right there is special. Not everyone in this profession is fueled by passion and determination, most are blinded by the so-called affluence, the connections, the power and authority over things. There is nothing more admirable than a woman who is never afraid to speak her truth.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Silence. That was a calculated risk, or at least I thought it was. Did I make her reconsider that part wherein she wanted nothing to do with companionship nor love or I just proved that it was the best principle in life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, she chuckled. Again. </em>
</p><p><strong>“You definitely have a way with words, don’t you?” </strong>Joohyun with an amused face was a sight to see. </p><p><strong>“I have a reputation to keep, you know</strong>.” I managed to wink. I think I did. Maybe I blinked absurdly. </p><p>
  <em>I’m fond of throwing jokes here and there, but never had the urge to touch my nape each time I drop them. I might have developed a new habit folks. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“ </em>
  </strong>
  <strong>Uh-huh. Interesting. That’s cool Seungwan, good to know. See you around, greaseball.” </strong>
</p><p>And with that, she left me slack-jawed with a slightly bruised shoulders. Seulgi decided to smack the hell out of it, <strong>“I lost you for a brief moment there champ!”</strong> she reasoned out. </p><p>If there’s one thing I’ll forever be sure of is that Joohyun never fails to leave me speechless. One of the rare moments that I shut up and treasure the bliss of silence, <em>Joohyun induced silence. </em></p><p>That’s the thing with Joohyun, she’s a reserved person.</p><p>
  <em>Quiet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Serene. </em>
</p><p>She rarely shares her thought process about things but when she decides, It stays that way.</p><p>
  <em>Firm. Nothing more, nothing less. </em>
</p><p>And she <em>rarely </em>forgets, not even the teeny tiny bit of detail.</p><p>This is <em>one</em> of the reasons why she excelled in law school. She thrived and came out on top. Literally grace under pressure personified. Pressure makes diamonds they say, and it made a hell of a diamond out of Joohyun. <em>Not that she needed it.</em></p><p>She’s already one, if not the rarest gem in this world. </p><p>Joohyun is bloody brilliant, truly a magnificent human being. I could’ve sworn she had a photographic memory of her own... </p><p>Joohyun <em>rarely </em>forgets. </p><p>
  <em>Or at least that’s what I’m used to..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Until she told me that all she wanted to do is forget. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>The month of May. The most nerve-wracking month for bar hopefuls. Judgment Day. The day when the universe either graces you with a shiny new prefix to your name or throws you into another spin of sleepless review nights. </p><p>Our review year was full of ignoring the shit out of each other but will randomly call in the middle of the night crying our eyes out because of worries and self-doubt or just <em>“can we get tteok-bokki please?”</em></p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“ Wannie, are you being serious with me right now? What do you mean if your brain decides to shut down on exam day? You have everything stored in there silly. Trust that it’s there, love. You’d do great, I promise.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“ Hyun, when was the last time you failed an exam? Butchered a recitation? Never, right? This is the last hurdle. Final exam. You will nail this. Like you always do. You’re meant for greatness, love. I promise.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Our usual 3 am conversations. I wouldn’t want to hear Joy and Seulgi’s. </p><p>The most dreaded day came and because it wouldn’t be Wendy if I don’t do something over the top.</p><p><em>It was also the day I decided to ask her to marry me</em>. </p><p>I think it’s too much to call it over the top? Yes, life was full of uncertainties. That much I am aware of.</p><p>But with Joohyun.. I have never been so certain.. It’s her or never again. All or nothing. Against all odds. Even my photographic memory can't imagine life without her. Life would be black and white, dull and boring, even with vivid memories. It wouldn’t matter. </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Bar Topnotchers</span>
  </strong>
</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Son, Seungwan - 93.0490%</strong></li>
<li><strong>Bae, Joohyun - 93.0380%</strong></li>
<li><strong>Park, Sooyoung - 88.8250%</strong></li>
<li><strong>Kang, Seulgi -  88.3360%</strong></li>
</ol><p>I know I depicted Joohyun as the love of my life, little Miss Perfect. Calm, cool and collected. She's just a little.. She’s not fond of..</p><p>
  <em>Ah well, you know me. I’m a little lost for words when it comes to Joohyun, hehe. </em>
</p><p>But my lovely Joohyun is a sore loser.  <em>Y’all didn’t hear that from me.</em></p><p>There I was, on my knees, a stuttering mess with a diamond ring in my hand..</p><p>
  <strong> “H-hyun.. I-i know we.. I.. for the life of me, I will never understand how and why you fell in love with a silly little human being like me, but here I am, promising the entire universe, and the galaxy beyond it, that every little step you take with me, if you will.. will take us to bigger and brighter things. I love you with everything that I am and everything that I will be.. S..so. H-hyun, if it isn’t too much to ask.. will you defend the entire humanity from bad guys and crooks with me forever?”</strong>
</p><p>She hates to admit it but she made it crystal clear when she said, <strong>“No, I will not marry you. You’ve won way too much today.”</strong></p><p>I was on the brink of tears, I felt my heart leap out of my chest. But we’ve been through enough and we were the best of friends first so there was nothing she could ever say or do, she will perpetually be the sole <strong><em>pro</em></strong> in my life full of cons. </p><p>
  <strong>“ O-okay hyunnie. I understand..”</strong>
</p><p>My knees were shaking but with all of the strength left in me, I stood up, brushed the dust off my pants and put on the best smile that I can muster. </p><p>
  <em>She was smirking??</em>
</p><p><strong>“ Res ipsa loquitur..” </strong>For crying out loud, a legal maxim. She rejects me first, now she’s speaking in Latin. What did I ever do to deserve this. I thought the exams were over.. I was racking my brain for an answer. </p><p>All I could say was.. <strong>“W- what?”</strong></p><p>
  <strong>“ You silly bean! Look at you, bar topnotcher but can’t even remember a basic legal principle?! Yes, wannie. In all forms, without reservations. YES!” </strong>
</p><p>God, I feel like fainting, I was so out of it for a moment. Tears ruining the little make up that I had.  I felt her arms around me and sweet luscious lips on mine. Happiness never tasted this good. I wish time would stop and for this moment to never end. </p>
<hr/><p>Our little celebration was cut off by a phone call.</p><p>“ Home” a notification popped up.</p><p>I was more than ecstatic for Joohyun, she gets to finally talk to her sister after months of almost no contact. I couldn’t be any happier for her.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“What? Please, you don’t mean that right? I- I’m a lawyer now! I can take her home right? I can provide for her now, please tell me this isn’t true!”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>One moment she was holding me in her arms, celebrating our little victories in life, the next, I’m holding her in my arms, trying to calm her down while she’s frantically mumbling her sister’s name, mourning the most devastating loss in her life.</p><p>
  <em>Have I mentioned how ironic my life is? Let me, at least, write it down so I don’t have to deal with the hurt of remembering the first time I saw Joohyun genuinely happy and for life to take it away through a phone call.  `</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy 6th Anniversary to Red Velvet!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>There are different tools to navigate this vast adventure filled place called life, a compass, a map, anything with coordinates, lines and symbols, signs and numbers. I’ve never found them useful as I look into your eyes; a path less taken, a route bustling with life, does it matter? I wouldn’t get lost either way. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>                                                                                               sgd. 9/15                  </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <strong>“I’ve missed looking at the sky.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Yeah, I’m pretty sure it missed you too, love. It was so sad it turned blue without you”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> “ God, that is the cheesiest thing you have ever said to me!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> “ Well, you don’t call me Wendy..”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ McGreasy, for a reason. Yes, I know.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Wait, you remember?”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Of course I’ll always remember, silly!”</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>It has been so long since Joohyun and I went outside for a breather. We were so caught up with different things, juggling cases mostly..</p><p>
  <em>only for me to lose the most important one.</em>
</p><p>losing sleep, skipping meals, love-hate relationship with coffee and tea, a splash of alcohol every now and then. (<em>Depends on which side of the industry we’re taking on, really.)</em></p><p>Being a lawyer is a noble profession they say<em>, well damn right, it better be</em>. I’ve never been slapped with so many <em>close calls </em>my entire life. </p><p>I’m not going to lie, it has been nothing but satisfying.</p><p>If law school introduced one to an egoistic version of themselves only to be humbled down right after every recitation, the law profession would skyrocket one’s superiority complex but will also plant one’s face back to the ground with every pro bono case won.</p><p>Let me tell you about two of the many sides in this <em>spectrum:</em></p><p><em>One. </em>Lawyers who take pro bono cases not just to widen their expertise and experience but also aims for a rather colorful and dashing ‘record.’ (vast majority, let’s be real)</p><p><em>Two. </em>On the other hand, there are lawyers who take pro bono cases because they actually have the heart for it, lawyers who perceives pro bono cases as <em>the core</em> of who they are as professionals.</p><p>
  <em>Joohyun and I found ourselves at the crossroads of this spectrum in our fifth year as legal practitioners. </em>
</p><p>It’s not a secret that the topnotchers for a specific year were quasi ‘scouted’ by the Office of the Solicitor General. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of it? It’s another arena to hone one’s skill as a lawyer.</p><p>The cases.</p><p>The mentors.</p><p> The environment.</p><p>Everything is set for one to soar and excel in this profession. Not to mention the benefits, a hefty <em>compensation, </em>and of course, some classy bragging rights.</p><p>But the four of us had other plans, it was a sacred pact that we made in law school.</p><p>We will put up our own firm no matter what the results are, wherever we land, sky high or rock bottom, as long as we pass the bar, we are bound and determined to create our own legacies in this profession.</p><p>It was set in stone.  <em>And man we really did just that. </em></p><p>It was a struggle at first, bringing in sharp, ambitious, young lawyers, convincing them that we have so much more to offer rather than those well-established, executive realness, pioneer law firms with old, high rolling power dressers, seasoned lawyers in the field.</p><p>
  <em>See the struggle there? It is duly noted that legends don’t have it easy in life so.. </em>
</p><p>We pushed through it.</p><p>We painstakingly managed to push ourselves up the ranks, made a name for ourselves, shared (and sometimes stole) the spotlight from the people in the upper echelon.</p><p>Every case, every client. We gave it our hundred and one percent. Even in those times wherein we had limited resources. <em>Most especially in those times. </em></p><p>At the forefront of it all is no other than our Bae Joohyun.</p><p>
  <em>The greatest lawyer that this world has ever seen.  </em>
</p><p>The most decorated and celebrated rookie lawyer from a start up firm.</p><p>Coincidentally, every success story had some conquests to tackle and there will come a time that the protagonist’s resolve will falter, one way or the other.</p><p>For Joohyun, it came in the form of losing a dearly beloved one at the time wherein all she wanted was to celebrate her first day as a lawyer, her first step towards married life and their supposedly first day of being reunited again.</p><p>They were separated when their parents remarried, their family weren’t well-off and their remaining relatives terribly struggled with their finances. She had no other choice but to entrust her sister to a <em>trusted</em> family friend, they promised to be her adoptive parents until their family can provide for the both of  them.</p><p>This was her driving force to excel in everything that she did.</p><p>Everything revolved around her sister.</p><p>There wasn’t a time where she never thought of her sister and their plans of spending their days together once she’s a lawyer.</p><p>Dreams of holding hands and never letting go.</p><p>Dreams of spoiling her to no end because her little sister deserve all the remaining good things despite the world being cruel to them.</p><p>Joohyun’s sister met her demise in the cross hairs of a buy bust operation, that family friend of theirs was allegedly involved in a drug trafficking scheme and was being put in surveillance by the police for years.</p><p>Since then, Joohyun has never cried. Not at the wake, not even at the funeral. Not once.</p><p>She drowned herself with work every single day for the past few years. I did my best to talk to her numerous times about it, reminding her that I am all ears,  by her side for all my days, and more than willing to be her pillar of strength as much as she is mine.. but all her answers were tight hugs, sad smiles and a constant <em>‘please let me be love.. it’s all that I ask of you.’</em></p><p>I didn’t have the heart to deny her that.</p><p>It’s beyond me.. how I was able to survive seeing her go through so much grief throughout the years.</p><p>A grief constantly concealed through smiles that never reach her eyes, carefully thought of words designed to break every adversary that hears it, and the longing embrace she gives me every single night, begging me to stay with her until the darkness subsides.</p><p>Joohyun swore she’d never succumb to grief. She would never let me hear it, but her eyes have been sharing snippets of her endeavor since day one. </p><p>Undeniably, grief came all in forms, gnawing its way through her core.  </p><p>It came in our fifth year at the firm.</p><p>Annually, we dedicate a huge portion of our time for a pro bono case. It was a simple custody case but for Joohyun, it was her shot at redemption.</p><p>It’s like she was brought back to life<em>. </em>Eyes brimming with passion and dedication. <em>Just like the old times.</em></p><p>Joy and Seulgi thought otherwise. They were our best friends for a reason. Our partners in crime and fighting crime. Joy and Seulgi who knew us like the back of their hands.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>“This is my case, Seulgi. Don’t tell me I’m too emotionally attached to it. I got this. It’s just a simple case.” </em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Irene.. that’s exactly my point. Our associates can take care of it. I know how much this case is blindingly similar to your story.  I just don’t want you getting.. too involved you know? </em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Fine, I’m asking Seungwan to assist me then. I understand your concern, Seulgi.. but I need this.. please..”</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p>It was an unspoken rule in the legal world, emotions win hearts but never a case.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, where was I when people ‘spoke’ about that. </em>
</p><p>I was too blinded by the hope that Joohyun will finally have the opportunity to make peace with the truth through this case.</p><p>I was too blinded by the one thing that I was told to never stare at.</p><p>
  <em>The fact that Joohyun was not completely ready, emotionally and mentally, to face the truth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> and her, being a part of this case was pushing her off the ledge with nothing to hold on to.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It started with trivial things. </em>
</p><p>Reading glasses. Phone. Legal pad.</p><p>Breakfast with the Seulgi bunch. Lunch meetings. Dinner dates.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And exponentially ended with the things of utmost importance.</em>
</p><p>Board Resolutions. Pre-Trial Briefings. Case trials.</p><p>Birthdays. Anniversaries. Memories.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Grief came in all forms and I was a dumb fool to not have noticed it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was there hidden in plain sight. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have never forgiven myself ever since.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It came in waves, swift and relentless. I knew we were well-equipped, I knew we had the capacity to ride through the waves.</p><p>We were more than capable.</p><p>We had each other as anchors.</p><p> </p><p>But Joohyun and I convinced ourselves that we can submerge into the reefs, dive into the trenches, and fight through the currents.</p><p>Until all we can see are parts of the shipwreck, floating and surrounding us.</p><p>
  <em>And for me, this is where it all faltered. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Everyday I feel like I wake up to an entirely different place, enticing a different feeling each time. Today wasn’t any different. </p><p>I might be completely losing it. Did I shift from law to photography overnight? What ever happened to being the ‘greatest lawyer this world has ever seen?’ </p><p>What are these little squares, aren’t pictures supposed to be a little bit rectangular? These are quite blurred but the colors seem okay?</p><p>There are words written on each one. </p><p>“Mornings with Joohyun will always be my favorite. <em>No matter what version of <strong>us </strong>you remember.” </em></p><p>Wait. I think I’ve seen this before? Might be in a dream or something. I shouldn’t have watched that <em>Deja Vu </em>movie last night. </p><p>Pictures taken throughout the years?</p><p>Interesting.. Some I remember taking, some I don’t.</p><p><em>Weird</em>. Might be the age, probably.</p><p>Oh! Polaroids. </p><p>I remember what they’re called now. Joy and Seulgi would’ve laughed if they saw how much I’m struggling to remember the only word kids are into these days. </p><p>Polaroids and cheesy lines. Hmm.</p><p>I think I’m missing wan more thing? No, somewan with.. </p><p>
  <em>Warmth. Blonde hair. Eyes full of love and a hint of worry (I always seem to forget to ask her about it) Breathtaking smile. Warm hugs. Warm kisses. Enraging and calming the embers in my heart at the same time, each and every time. </em>
</p><p>Where is my Seungwan? </p><p>I glanced around her side of the room. White walls accentuated with hues of purple, a couch with light blue pillows in disarray. A fancy schmancy recording system. A study table. A keyboard and a guitar with musical sheets carefully stacked on top of each. A jam packed bookshelf and.. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>What is my legal pad doing in the bed and why is Seungwan’s handwriting on it?!</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Now I really need to talk to that somewan!</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Love, why would you scribble on my legal pad? These had case notes on them baby! Yours is on top of your guitar! Why?!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Have you seen my reading glasses? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can’t seem to read this scribble of yours but I’m 100 % sure this is your handwriting Seungwan! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Get your fluffy butt over here!”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Hyun?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>That voice, even from a distance, even in a crowd, I'd always know who it belongs to. Mellow pitched but squiffy effect. My poor little heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Oh, you’re awake! Sorry I was making breakfast, love.” </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>A kiss on the forehead and warm hands cupping my cheeks.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can almost see the molecules of my teeny tiny frustration dissipate into thin air. This is unfair. </em>
</p><p><strong>“ Your reading glasses are on the bedside table right next to your phone baby, remember?”</strong> </p><p>
  <em>There it was, on the bedside table, right next to two phones. Huh. I might have overlooked it. Nevermind. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>My focus went on from the charming woman in front of me to the polaroids loosely hanging in the room.</p><p>I must save myself and my heart from these merciless <em>attacks. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Is this a regular thing?</em><em>” </em>I asked out of the blue.</p><p>
  <em>A what now? Wrong shift of focus, Joohyun. You had one job. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Yup, we’re a “regular thing. This right here, you and I, is on the daily. I’ve put a ring on it already.” </strong>
</p><p>And of course, she winked then proceeded to kiss my hand.. <em>How did I live this long..</em></p><p>I’m goddamn awful at this focus thing. All I see are her fingers pointing to me then to her as she answered.</p><p>
  <em>GREASEBALL. I’ve let down my defenses yet again. </em>
</p><p>For that she earned a well-deserved shoulder slap. That should teach her a lesson. No one messes with Bae Joohyun, <em>especially in the morning.</em></p><p>Time to counterattack. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“ I-I mean the polaroids! Silly.. ”  </em>
</p><p>I might have fumbled with my words for a bit but that was tactical, yeah.</p><p>My cheeks are kinda burning a bit. Oh, the frustration. My cheeks can feel it. It’s definitely that. </p><p>
  <strong>“Mm-hm, why don’t we put your reading glasses on and read my “scribble” baby. Let’s discuss it over breakfast, mkay?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, I’m about to say that, Seungwan. You didn’t have to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and lovingly put the glasses on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You didn’t have to look me in the eye and caress my cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s an illegal distraction. So unfair. </em>
</p><p>My grumbling stomach put me out of my Seungwan filled trance, so I decided to finally read her “drabble.”</p><p>
  <strong> <em>“Progress is progress, no matter how small it is, no matter how long it takes. We have every day  of our lives to be a constant reminder. Don’t worry my love. Take your time. I’m with you every step of the way.”</em> </strong>
</p><p>Huh.</p><p>I need to sit down for a bit. Get a hold of my surroundings.</p><p>Is that some cryptic line that I need to figure out for breakfast? Is this one of Seungwan’s morning shenanigans again?!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seungwan’s morning shenanigans.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then it hit me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As I look carefully around <em>our </em>room, it’s filled with all sorts of <em>reminders.</em></p><p> </p><p>Blue and purple post-its.  All in Seungwan’s handwriting.</p><p>
  <em>Sorry, had to leave for early for work :( Pick you up for a quick lunch date! I love you, always &lt;3</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Baby, pw for Mac! Made you a bunch of songs, let me know what you think? ;) please be a darling and don’t open the other folders, I love you, always &lt;3</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lunch with the Seulgi bunch! firm lobby in 30. I love you, always. &lt;3</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yena and Aunt Hyunnie Day! :) I love you, always. &lt;3</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Flower shop brochures. A vase full of purple flowers. Books with dried petals as bookmarks.</p><p> </p><p>A list of fabric softeners in Seungwan’s handwriting.</p><p> </p><p>A purple box full of polaroids.</p><p> </p><p>An old blue voice recorder and a bunch of crumpled paper. An old video camera neatly placed beside it as it charges.</p><p> </p><p>Arcade tickets in the hands of a squishy stuffed toy.</p><p> </p><p>Movie tickets. Theatre tickets. Bear shaped-yellow green post-it with an email and password written on it, ‘Netflix’ in capital letters.</p><p> </p><p>Legal pads with case notes scribbled on them, “Custody, Docket XX-XX” highlighted in red.</p><p> </p><p>My legal pad <em>with Seungwan’s scribble, </em>case notes in my handwriting, an old picture of mine with my sister clipped on it.</p><p> </p><p>A medical certificate with my name written on it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sporadic memory loss. Episodic and semantic memory affected. Possibly trauma-induced, memory repression evident. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>I see, this is one of those days, I guess.</p><p>The days where I just..</p><p> </p><p>forget..</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Capitulo Final</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally on the last chapter. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>The human mind is a complex place to be in. It’s a maze. Most humans are lucky to have been equipped with a gps-like thought process to navigate through it smoothly, some have it slightly different as their GPS updates constantly as they navigate through life; and there are the  so-called ‘unfortunate’ ones, ones who were given a ‘lackluster’ GPS, those who struggle, those who strive to navigate despite the malfunctions; so which one are you? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The one who believes that there are varieties of GPS or the one who believes that each human experience alters your GPS and lets you live through these three scenarios separately and/or collectively? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>The weekend picnic was so much fun! I’ve forgotten how adorable Joy and Seulgi’s child was.</p><p>She ran with all her might, cute little strides, her plump arms waving, waiting to be held.</p><p>
  <strong>“Aunt Hyunnie!”                                                                  </strong>
</p><p>I can hear her shout repeatedly, each one getting louder as she approaches me, as soon as I pick her up, she snuggles onto me and I cradle her in my arms, and sang her to sleep. </p><p>It felt like it was muscle memory, like we have done this numerous times before, like my body has a mind of its own and this is how it reacts to Yena, my sweet little niece.</p><p>I didn’t notice that Joy was already beside me, as I was mesmerized by this child in my arms.</p><p>
  <strong>“You have confusion written all over your face again, unnie. She knows it’s you even with her eyes closed.” </strong>
</p><p>I was about to ask her what it meant when she answered with one of the most heartwarming smiles she has ever given me..</p><p><strong>“and you’d know it’s her, all the time, from now on..” </strong>she continued.</p><p>I settled with a smile of my own as an answer. Something inside me felt like I did not need to speak because in my heart it has been clear. This is how I will remember things from now on. Through this beating muscle inside my chest. I do not have to fear uncertainties. I just need to believe that eventually everything will make sense, it’s just a matter of time.  </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>“God, Wan! You’re so whipped for Joohyun! Wait till she reads this!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I chuckled upon hearing this. I never wanted to eavesdrop on my best friends’ conversation but seeing Seungwan cover her face in utter embarrassment was a sight to see. I wanted to see more of it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why the hell are you reading my journal, Kang Seulgi?!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My genius Seungwan is journaling? When? Why?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Since when did you ‘journal’? It’s so unlike you?? You never write things down. I always thought you have a supercomputer in your head, storing all of it somewhere.. there. Like quantum computing or something.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Thanks Seulgi for taking the words out of my mouth. This is getting interesting. I can apologise later for eavesdropping. Seungwan never fails to surprise me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘”You think too highly of me, Seul.. you know sometimes I just.. don’t want to remember every single thing. Sometimes I feel like I need a place for all of THIS. for safekeeping;  journaling helps me with that. I get the sense of freedom, a little bit of normalcy, peace of mind, a form of escape and when I’m ready, I can just take it all back? Am I making sense?”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You always do Wan, you always do. Don’t worry, I completely understand. It must have been so hard for you all these years. I’m here for you Wan, you have to let it out. I can be your journal too. You know I’d love to, I’m your best friend..”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“I - I don’t know what to do anymore, Seul. I had no other choice. I feel like we were running away from it all this time. Last night, I told her about the case. I lost. We lost. I- I saw it in her eyes Seul! She was.. there.. she was there with me last night Seul. She remembered.</em>
</p><p><em>She said it was all her fault, that she shouldn’t have agreed to be separated from her sister in the first place and that if she did, she would’ve prevented that incident, she would’ve taken her away from that drug-ridden place, her sister would still be alive, Joohyun should’ve been celebrating her first day as a lawyer, her first day as my fiancée</em> <em>.</em></p><p>
  <em>I told her, there wasn’t much of a choice back then and that she did what she thought was best for the both of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was crushed to the core to see her relive the pain and devastation Seul. It felt like we’re going through those days again, where she’d just completely forget. She was slipping right before my eyes again, Seul. and there’s nothing I can do. I will never have the strength to see her fall apart again.. I shouldn’t have gotten that stupid custody case, I was selfish! So fucking selfish!”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Wan, it was never a selfish thing to do. You had the best intentions. You saw it as an opportunity for her to heal from the past. I knew you wanted to win that custody case because you wanted to show her that it’s okay to remember, it’s important to remember for we never really forget. We just live and accept.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ I don’t know what to do Seul. I know it was never easy for her. The doctors, they said that her sister’s death caused trauma, resulting to the sporadic memory loss. She might have been repressing those memories, it might have also affected her recollection of new memories.”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Is there any cure for it? Anything we could do more? I know you’ve been racking your brain for ideas on how to help her remember and retain, it has been years Wan. Don’t give up on her now. Especially now. We have made so much progress.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Giving up never crossed my mind, not once, not ever, Seul. I was always the forgetful one wasn’t I? Do you remember back in law school, it was our Labor law class and I forgot my copy of that stupid Department Order assigned to me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“How would I even forget that one! Joohyun nudged the hell out of me till my sides hurt just so she can be next to you and guide you through your whole recitation! You were so lucky our professor was borderline deaf!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Good god, give me a break! You?! The forgetful one? That big brain of yours never forgets.  Well I guess it just malfunctions whenever Joohyun is involved.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“Right? She never failed to remind me to eat on time, printout the readings for the next day before I sleep so I don’t have to salvage my way through another recitation, rest as much as I can, take little breaks and play games if I must just to de-stress. I wouldn’t have survived law school without her. So even if I must remind her every single day, I’d do it. It’s the least that I can do for her.”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Both of you will always have me in your corner. Wenrene is my ship, I am at your disposal Captain!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh stop it Seul!! But I appreciate it, really. All I ever prayed and begged for was for her to have the strength and courage that she needs to finally make peace with the truth. That’s all I ever wanted.”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Those were answered a long time ago Wan, you have been here for her since day one. You embody that strength and courage. Now, take Joohyun home and remind her, exactly that.”</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Remind me never to eavesdrop on conversations again. </em>
</p><p>Seungwan found me weeping in one of the park benches. Looking at the sky fervently, trying my absolute best to stop the tears from falling and keep my heart from breaking into pieces as I realize how difficult it must have been for her to remember everything vividly, the scenarios playing in her head over and over again, when all she ever wanted was for time to stop even for just a second - to catch her breath, and be given the chance to regain whatever that is left of herself<em>.. to just forget everything even just for a while. </em></p><p>
  <em>And that was a lot to take in….</em>
</p><p>Seeing Seungwan worried sick about me was a lot to take in. Just seeing her after hearing that conversation was a lot to take in. At this moment, Seungwan was breaking and mending my heart at the same time. Yes, it’s a lot to take in but I’d rather have this than feeling and knowing nothing at all.</p><p>Seungwan, the love of my life, the sweetest and the kindest person I know, had to go through all that pain throughout the years because of me. I am dumbfounded and words will never be enough to explain the utter devastation of knowing that fact.</p><p>I can hear her calling my name, begging me to look into her eyes and tell her what’s wrong, asking who she should punch for making her bunny cry.</p><p>But even at times like this, Seungwan does everything to make everything lighter, a little bit bearable, my walking ball of sunshine and hope.. now the tears had freely fallen, my voice cracks as I clutch my chest, and the only answer I can give her was a tight hug and “I love you so much, I’m sorry.” repeatedly.</p><p>And just like every single instance in our lives, Seungwan knew. She always knew what to do. She looks at me, eyes brimming with tears, and she kisses me..</p><p>As if it was our first time. As if this kiss was the voice to all of our unspoken thoughts, as if she was confessing all the emotions that we had been repressing for so long, telling the stories that we failed to remember for a while, a simple kiss but now, a constant reminder of hope, that the heart never forgets and even if it does, we will find a way to remember.  </p><p><em><strong>“I had to remember for you to find your way back..I know what you’re thinking, love. Let’s head home, we’ll talk about it in the morning.”</strong> </em>Seungwan said as she wipes the tears from my face.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>"Irene, I can’t promise anything okay?! What if she interrogates me and I spill out the plan?!</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Seul, please. Just tell her you need her help, you know she wouldn’t be able to say no to you! And besides, you cross examine people in court, you got this!”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ She can’t say no if I was a woman named Joohyun, you know that!! Can’t Joy help you out on this, I still have to pick up Yena..”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Joy is on it Seul, please, please do me a favor, will you?”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Fine, all you women do  is lie. I thought I was picking up the kid..”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Don’t worry, there’s another kid you’re picking up, right?”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“…”</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and Wendy had the most sleep she had in years, not until her phone starts ringing and wakes her up from her slumber.</p><p><em>“ Hey Seul, what’s up?”  </em>Wendy picks up with a hoarse voice coupled with disrupted sleep.</p><p><strong>“SEUNGWAN I NEED YOUR HELP AND YOU CAN’T SAY NO”</strong> Seulgi answered monotonously. Taking in Irene's golden advice. </p><p><em>“ Ohh, good morning to you too? Is everything okay? Why are you using your lawyer voice on me and why does it sound like I will be incarcerated today?"  </em>Wendy was having none of it today, not when she just woke up and her best friend is going weird on her.</p><p><strong>“ Oh crap sorry Wan, I need your help and you can’t say no.. Please?”</strong> Seulgi is about to raise the white flag, this call needs to end or else..</p><p><em>“ Hmm, you’re being weird Seul. Fine, where and what time do you need me then." </em>At this point, Wendy just wanted to get off the phone and just ask Seulgi personally for more 'clarification.' This is just how  things goes with her bear friend. </p><p>
  <strong>“School grounds as soon as you can, okay Wan? See ya.”</strong>
</p><p>Barney Stinson once said that in friendships, there will come a time that you will encounter the <em>“ No Questions Asked”</em> moment and it shall be the most important test of friendship so Seungwan realizes that this might be that moment! Either way she wouldn’t be able to say no to Seulgi as long as it sounds reasonable and it wouldn’t get them in trouble with Joy and Joohyun.</p><p>Seungwan gets up and paces towards the bathroom, too caught up trying to ward off the remaining drowsiness from her deep slumber and the curiosity from Seulgi’s unusual call.</p><p>After taking a bath, she realized she had yet to greet her fiancée.  She rushes back to their bedroom only to find out a cold, empty side of their bed. The next logical thing for her to do is not to panic, find her phone and call Joohyun and so she panicked, bumped her foot on the bedside table and her phone falls flat on her face.</p><p>As she rubbed her nose to ease the tinge of pain, she noticed a blue post it on her phone.</p><p>
  <strong>“Went out to pick up stuff, see you soon. I love you, always.”</strong>
</p><p>Reading sweet nothings from Joohyun made Seungwan’s heart leap. Being on the receiving end of the post-it agenda was an entirely foreign thing to her as she had been the giver for the longest time.</p><p>
  <em>So, this is how it feels like. </em>
</p><p>A hint of pink tinting her cheeks.</p><p>She immediately dials her number and waits for Joohyun to pick up. On her third try, she decided to leave a message letting her know of the Seulgi dilemma and assures she’ll be back home as soon as she can.</p><p>Seungwan made her way to the school grounds with a list of questions to throw Seulgi’s way as soon as she arrives.</p><p>As Seungwan walked towards their meeting place, she can see Seulgi’s figure pacing back and forth, as she approaches, she notices a rather familiar attire.</p><p><strong>“ Wan, finally! You’re here!! I can’t believe you didn’t say no!” </strong>Her bear friend had the most amused face and it is really getting weird, Seungwan thought to herself</p><p><em>“  Seul, really? What are you on? Is this something we need to discuss? Why would there be a need for me to say no?" </em>Yup, definitely weird. </p><p><strong>“ Nothing Wan, Joy and I have something to show you!” </strong>Seulgi frantically grabbed Seungwan's hand and tagged her along. </p><p>
  <em>“ Joy is here? What’s up with you guys? We could’ve brought Joohyun along!”</em>
</p><p><strong>“ For someone so smart, you are dumb sometimes Wan. I just said Joy and I will show you something and  now you’re asking if Joy is here.. tsk my dear friend..” </strong>Seungwan didn't know what to say after this statement from her best friend. She wanted to laugh but she's highkey confused and weirded out by her bestfriend's demeanor. </p><p>
  <em>“ I can’t deal with your smug face right now Seul, if this is some sort of prank, I swear to God!”</em>
</p><p>Before Wendy can say anything more, Seulgi drags her blabbering best friend towards their target location.</p><p>The bickering best friends eventually found Joy and all Wendy could see are the familiar attires that her friends are wearing.</p><p><em>“ Is there an occasion that I’m not  aware of? I mean, it must be special because I’ve never seen Joy repeat an attire.” </em>Seungwan chirped, trying her best not to laugh and tease Joy. </p><p><strong>“ Shut up Wan, don’t make me regret doing this for you and Joohyun.” </strong>Joy sneered at her. </p><p>At the mention of Joohyun’s name, Wendy can’t help but to blush, feel her heart race and her breath to hitch, nothing has ever changed.</p><p>
  <em>“ J-Joohyun is here?  B-but she said she went to pick up stuff..”</em>
</p><p><strong><em>“ Oh dear God, unnie. Please can you come out now and take your lovestruck wife with you. I can’t take it anymore, christ, let’s get this over with please, just get married already.”  </em></strong>Joy sighed next to a blushing mess of a Wendy.</p><p>And as if on cue, Joohyun emerges, looking as beautiful as ever, wearing that all too familiar dress she wore when Wendy proposed to her 6 years ago, a bouquet of blue flowers on her hand and a little box along with it.</p><p>Wendy was too enthralled to notice. Joy called it yet again. Lovestruck, that she is.</p><p>Joohyun cleared her throat animatedly to snap her Seungwan out of her trance. She chuckles at the memory of them meeting for the first time, this was the exact same reaction that Seungwan had, slack-jawed and a blushing mess, this is a memory that she will never, and has never forgotten.</p><p>She waited for Seungwan to catch on, counts to three in her head, and gives the smile that’s only for Seungwan to see.</p><p>
  <em>One.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Three.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Wow.. I mean.. H-hey love. You’re here! I thought you were, uh, picking up stuff..” </em>
</p><p>And she’s back Houston. Wendy finally ‘regained consciousness’ and is able to speak and recognize her surroundings.</p><p>
  <em>Smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Hey baby, yeah, I picked these up for you. I know you’ve been giving me tons of these throughout the years, even though I don’t remember all of them, know that I cherish the thought behind it, don’t worry, I made sure that this time around, we will never forget.”</strong>
</p><p>Joohyun answered with a wink, almost breathless, it was nerve-wracking, she can feel her knees shaking but she has to push through, this is the perfect moment, she reminded herself.  Joy and Seulgi nodded at her and smiled proudly cheering her on.</p><p>
  <strong>“I want you to look around you, love. What do you see?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“The people I love..are here.”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Great, now I want you to close your eyes and take your time and remember this moment. I know I don’t have to tell you to remember because I know for sure, you will. But just please be a darling and go along with me?”</strong>
</p><p>Wendy chuckles and proceeded to close her eyes, treasuring this moment and the feeling that comes along with it.</p><p>Joohyun kisses her forehead, letting her lips linger there for a moment and holds both of Wendy’s hands.</p><p>
  <strong>“Open your eyes love, I want to tell you something and I need you to look at me all right? I’m so nervous right now, please just look at me.”</strong>
</p><p>With both of their foreheads brushing on each other’s, Wendy opens her eyes as requested by her fiancée, she waits as Joohyun nervously breathes in before speaking. Wendy smiles at her sweetly, encouraging her to go on, she can feel how cold Joohyun’s hands were.</p><p>
  <strong>“I was never as strong as you are, Seungwan..”</strong>
</p><p>Joohyun starts speaking, her voice starts to break and her hands were trembling but Wendy’s warm hands intertwined with hers is all she needs to calm her down.</p><p>
  <strong>“ I have been living with fear all these years, each fear tore down layers of myself that I am not sure if I will be able to bring back. I was scared of being alone, being in a limbo, remembering and forgetting things right after, fear of losing myself because I lost a part of me when my sister passed away and recently, I realized I have the fear of not being strong enough to withstand this storm that we’re currently braving, the fear of not being enough for someone like you..</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But whenever I look at you and our eyes would meet, just like this. There is nothing that I want to do but to be brave and fight through another struggle, if that means that I get to have moments like this with you, for the rest of my life. You will always be my source of strength. You were my pillar of strength when all my walls crumbled down. You gave me life when I thought that the very essence of life was taken away from me six years ago. You stayed when I didn’t even want to stay for myself. You were every meaning when I completely believed that life will be pointless from that moment on. You loved me when I have forgotten how to love and to feel loved.”</strong>
</p><p>Wendy wiped the tears from Joohyun’s eyes as Joohyun wiped the tears from hers.</p><p>Joy was hugging Seulgi as she was bawling her eyes out as she looked at her best friends having the time of their lives.</p><p>Joohyun reached for her pocket, took out the box. She smiled at her lovely Seungwan and was poised to bend down on one knee..</p><p>
  <em>“ No, I don’t want you kneeling in that beautiful dress, I’m not allowing you to do that. Please let’s just stay like this.”</em>
</p><p>And Joohyun complied, closing her eyes as she says the final words of her spontaneous spiel.</p><p>
  <strong>“So, please this time, allow me to show you the strength that you have given me all these years. Allow me to be your source of strength , allow me to start a brand-new chapter with you. Please let me have this chance to be the one to remind you how much I love and care for you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Seungwan, will you marry me?  This time I promise to marry you to whichever officiate we see as soon as we step out of this place? Will you, please?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“Who can ever say no to the Bae Joohyun huh? I loved you the first time I saw you in the hallways of this building and I will say yes to more first times with you, at the same hallways of this building. You will always have me Joohyun, even in times that you forget that you have me around, especially in those times, I will be right by your side to support you no matter what.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you more than you’ll ever know and remember Joohyun.  please don’t blame yourself for what happened, it’s no one’s fault. We can always create new memories together right? So yes. If I haven’t made myself clear yet, yes I will marry you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ I love you, Seungwan. No matter what version of us I remember, it will always be you. I will always find my way back to you.  You are my home.”</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>This journal contains every little plan that Seulgi and I had way back. All of the morning shenanigans so that I’ll always be able to find a creative way to remind you every day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The recipes for all the breakfast get to know each other that we had, the restaurants for all the quick little lunch dates that we did. The prose and verses behind the random post-its all over the house whenever I had to leave for work. The location of that pile of arcade tokens that I stole from you because you didn’t want to leave and you insisted that I take you out on another arcade date the very next day. The passcode to the box containing all the polaroids that I used to show you, which mostly comprises of candid pictures of you. My ever-so-secure and complex password to the laptop containing my voice notes and songs that I made and sang for you every single day. A list of all the flower shops and a list of the fabric softeners that you like because you have a knack for sniffing things.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The list of movies that you love to binge-watch again and again. The coordinates for that purple carebear shirt that I stole from you. The key to the room where I stored all of the cameras we used, making goofy videos which was super effective when you’re suddenly frustrated and annoyed with me the next day. To sum it up, all of the reminders of the cool things we did to support each other through our ups and downs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Our time together is always worth remembering my love. You’re worth it. You deserve the world. Thank you for marrying me. I wish nothing but genuine happiness for you my dear Joohyun. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>sgd. Forever Yours ~ W</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“ Mom! Who is W? and why did she write a whole ass journal for you? Are you cheating on Mama?”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>“ Yerim! you snarky little.. what did you just say to me? Are you snooping around on my things again? Get your mischievous butt down here, dinner is ready!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Alright Mom! but I’m bringing this journal thing with me, you need to explain this to me..”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Joohyun is livid, her daughter Yeri, is a very <em>curious </em>child. This time around she found the journal that Seungwan gave her as one of her wedding gifts .</p><p>Seungwan being the rather calm parent assured her wife that she will take care of the situation.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>“ Yeri, sweetheart, why don’t you come down here and let Mama tell you a cool story.”</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>FIN. </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first WR fic. This has been stuck in my head for the longest time so I guess I'd just leave it out here.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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